Deborah Mhango’s Reflections

The Other Side of Helping and the Unforeseen Seed Sown in Helping Others

By: Deborah Mhango

Whenever the word or phrase “helping others” came my way giving out money was the meaning I attached to the phrase. Little did I know that helping means a lot than giving out money. When people approached me asking for help all I could do was give out the little money that I had with me in my pocket. It was like this until 2006 when I discovered the true meaning of the word help.

It was a Saturday when I and some few friends of mine went to visit some orphans at Umodzi orphanage in TA MWAMBO area in Zomba District. It was my first time visiting an orphanage that had a lot of orphans. As we were charting with the orphans, a girl aged 12 approached me asking me to help her. Having it in mind that helping others means giving out money, without wasting time I took a twenty kwacha from my pocket and gave it to the girl. All I expected was a simple thank you or a smile on her face. To my disappointment the girl’s face gave me a picture that the twenty kwacha I gave out was not what she wanted when she asked for help. I looked at her and then asked her what she wanted only to hear that all she wanted was someone who could give her an ear.

After spending some time with the girl I came to realize that all she wanted was to talk to someone just to explain the problems she was facing. In short this girl was being forced to get married by some elders that surrounded the orphanage. The elders told this young girl that being an orphan meant facing a lot of problems and that the only way out was getting married to a rich man who could provide for all her needs. The only thing that this girl wanted from me was a piece of advice. After she told me her story I felt bad and I was ashamed at the same time. This is when I realized that there was more to the word helping than what I thought. I spent some time with the girl giving her advice. The little time and advice I gave her meant nothing to mean but it meant a lot to her. After the chart the girl took my address and we left.

After a year I got a letter from this girl explaining to me her plans after writing her standard eight examinations. I was so shocked when she wrote that all she wanted to do during her holiday was to spend time with the girls at the orphanage in order to encourage them to work hard and not to be pressured into marriage. She told me that the little advice I gave her meant a lot and motivated her to give time to others as well.

This incident made me realize that helping is not in terms of giving out money only but it can be done in so many ways like giving out your time to listen to people talk or give out advice. This encounter also made me realize that there is a seed that one plants unknowingly in the person being helped. I saw that the little help (advice) I gave to this young girl acted as a seed that eventually matured. Since then I find it interesting giving an ear knowing that it is another way of helping and also that it is a way of sowing seeds unknowingly that eventually matures in the same way or differently.

Help comes in different ways. Some ways may be noticed  by all people while sometimes not all may see something as being helpful. For example when I was offered an opportunity to work as a numerator at Bikes without Borders Organization I thought Bicycles may not be of any help to me all my society because in most cases  I see a lot of people using them as an alternative mode of transportation  or for pleasure and maybe this is the view that a lot of people who have access to cars or other modes of transportation also have. Working with this organization (BWB) made me realize that bicycles are also crucial and that in some places they are the most reliable mode of transportation. After  talking to some people from remote areas about the modes of transport that they think are very crucial to them I was also shocked to hear that bicycles play a big role in their daily lives and they are the  most commonly used mode of transport. This is the case because in most case bicycles are readily available than cars and that bicycles go to places that cars cannot. I was so amazed to even hear that these bicycles are used as ambulances that transport patients to hospitals since there are no ambulances readily available. This also gave me a picture that the things I take for granted may be of great importance to other people.

All in all, I have learned that things that are seen as not helpful to a particular person turns out to be very helpful to other. As such let us not stop doing little things that seem not important to some people of a setting because there are some people  who benefit directly or in directly from such kind of this.

Deborah Mhango was one of ten Chancellor College (located in Zomba, Malawi) graduates from the International Development program hired to conduct research.